It seems there’s an implicit assumption in our culture that goals should be financial in nature. Maybe it’s just the weird, personal finance, self-help, success-maxing niche where I consume most of my books and youtube videos. Or maybe it’s just an easy example. Like that line from the Danny DeVito movie, “Everybody needs money, that’s why they call it money.” But it seems like there’s such an emphasis on business/financial success, and the only metric I really hear discussed is, “how much they make, and how fast it’s growing.” But even in the world of business, is that always the only goal, or even the primary goal?
Of course, I used to set goals of that sort. I’d set some dollar figure in mind, try to attach some positive emotion to it, and take action. But the motivation would always fade within a week or two. I even attended a 4 day Tony Robbins event. But that only lasted about a month until I lost sight of why any of the goals I’d set really mattered.
I’ve really struggled to maintain a durable sense of “why.” Sure, more money is always nice, and it accelerates the achievement of other goals, like paying off my mortgage, chasing various net worth milestones, and eventually achieving financial independence. But it doesn’t get me out of bed when I’m tired, and it doesn’t help me do difficult things.
What I’ve realized is that the thing I really want isn’t just more money. What a I really want is a good family. I want kids, I want to be present in their lives, and I want everyone involved to have a great experience. I want it to be fun, supportive, loving, and not such a grind as it seems to be for so many parents. I also want a great relationship with my partner where we both grow and make something of our lives far beyond what either of us could do alone.
Whatever my level of success in business, I want to be careful that it doesn’t interfere with these goals, the goals that really matter. And at the same time, I think there’s a lot of be said for having your own business in terms of what it allows you to do with your life. Done thoughtfully, you have the ability to design your schedule to match your priorities. Even if your focus for a time is to make more money, you can go do it. Or if your nonnegotiable goal is to read your kids a book every night before bed, you can make that happen too.
I think I’ve always done this sort of subconsciously, and wondered why I wasn’t achieving loftier goals like, “grow my business 50% this year!” I think it has less to do with self-sabotage and limiting beliefs, and more to do with a lack of resonance. Not only was I more or less indifferent to the prospect of that kind of growth, but it actually threatened what I really wanted. It risked a situation where I would be so consumed by my business that I wouldn’t have time to date, build a relationship, have a family, etc.
I talk a lot about goals with my clients, so it’s kind of funny how hard it is to see my own psyche clearly.
But at the same time, it’s amazing how powerful it is to have goals that actually do resonate. Setting the direction, “have a good family,” gives a lot more information than, “make more money.” “Have a good family,” informs every action all day long. Does a happy family have a dad who lies in bed for an hour after getting up, struggling to shake the sense of morning blahs? What about a dad who is unhealthy, mentally or physically? Unemployed? Inattentive to his wife? What about a dad who doesn’t take care of his own needs very well, or who hasn’t figured out how to keep a positive attitude? A dad who doesn’t have hobbies or interests to share with his kids? A dad who is financially irresponsible?
Success is a lot more holistic than just, “go make more money.” And today’s world asks dads to be more than a paycheck for their family. It makes a big difference for kids.
And actually, I think about my own dad, and how when he started his business, it helped my own life so much. I was in the sixth grade then. We had more time together, I spent more time outside helping him and just hanging out, I did better in sports and school, I had a lot more confidence.
When I think about making more money, saving more money, having more investments, I think about what it’s all for. It’s hard to be too motivated by thoughts of retirement, even an early retirement. But then I think about the ways money could help me have a better family experience. What if I used some of my dividends to hire a house cleaning service so that I don’t have to spend precious free time doing a deep clean of the house? What if my portfolio’s growth translates into more trips for the family? What if I made enough money so that I can set up a “free books” rule for my kids, where any book they want is free as long as they read it? How much better is my work balance with a paid off house? What would it feel like to have my kids’ college fully paid for?
Money for my own sake doesn’t have a lot of juice. But money put to work creating a better home and a better life for a family? Now I can care.
And so, I think there’s a big opportunity for Millenials and Gen Z that hasn’t really existed for previous generations of parents. A lot of us learned good personal finance principles and good investing skills, and then also learned how hard it is to accumulate a lot of wealth quickly, when compound interest is at its weakest. So a lot of young families have a decent amount socked away. Many of them are actually overprepared for retirement. Accordingly, some of them are exploring how to put it to work in their lives for greater benefit. They’re learning how to enjoy and pursue opportunities in the present (which for parents is an especially fleeting window), without sacrificing long term security.
The adventure I think I’m beginning, is exploring how to use the flexibility of business ownership, and the efficiency of using investment gains to create a much better parenting experience. Then sharing what I’ve learned along the way to help other families. And I’m starting at the very beginning. I’m not married. Actually, I’m in a relatively new relationship. All kinds of conversations about money, about work, about life balance, about parenting styles lie ahead. I think this is something worth writing about.